On Liberals and Feminists.

A few conversations in the past couple of days have gotten me thinking about two things, liberals and feminists. One might argue that I'm being somewhat redundant here, as most feminists are liberals, and quite often the reverse is also true. But for the sake of my points, I'm considering them separately.

So, first, on liberals: the common conception about people who are liberal is that they are very open-minded. While I agree with this, generally, I've found in recent years that some of the liberal people I know are also some of the most closed-minded people I've ever met. How can this be, you ask? Well, the fact is that these people are open-minded in their views as long as you agree with them. Heaven forbid you should express a more conservative viewpoint in the presence of "diehard" liberal... they look at you like you're stupid and everything that subsequently comes out of your mouth is disregarded or at least taken with a grain of salt. This was especially true in undergrad. Being liberal was clearly the thing to be at Stanford, and although there were a handful of Republicans, they were looked down upon in many ways. Their thoughts were laughed off, and their arguments were disregarded by most people. This is not to say that I agree(d) with most of their views, but the thing is, if we are truly as liberal as we claim, then we should at least be "open-minded" enough to acknowledge others' points of view.

This came up recently in a discussion about a woman's decision (one who happens to be a friend of mine) to take her husband's last name after they are married. One of the other people in the conversation (a very liberal, feminist woman) basically flipped out when my friend said she was changing her name. [Incidentally, this second person didn't really know my friend, so I thought her attacking of the idea was especially out of line]. However, while it was not something I would necessarily do or even have expected my friend to do, I was taken aback by the strong (and rather condescending) reaction that this woman had to the decision. It seems to me that as long as we are not trying to make a rule that every woman has to give up her name, then why should it matter whether one woman makes the choice to keep or change her name? It's a personal thing, so why should one be looked down upon for making that decision for herself?

This is where the feminist part comes in as well. Part of the argument was that it was going against feminism to give up her name. Why should my friend give up her name? What was her fiancee giving up? etc. etc. The discussion thankfully did not go on too long, but it left me feeling rather unsettled. In an age where so many women are "pro-choice" it seems odd and a bit disrespectful to put down the choice that someone makes. If you really are "pro-choice" then you need to be willing to accept either choice that any given individual makes.

I am reminded of a quote from one of my favorite movies, The American President:

"You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours. You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country can't just be a flag; the symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest."

I think that we forget this a lot of the time, especially as "liberals." Of course, when the conservative viewpoint involves restricting the rights of others (e.g. banning gay marriage), that's a different story. But if you are creating a situation in which there are multiple options, you have to be willing to accept the option you may not agree with as an equally valid choice for a person to make.

On Feminism:
I already alluded to the feminist part a bit in the thoughts about liberalism. But it also came up in another way, which is the idea of a sisterhood and female energy. In the last year I've experienced these things in a way I never have before. First, was actually my internship last summer. There was a moment where I was sitting in a meeting with the rest of the Education Team and realized that it was all women. Some of the most high-powered, influential people in the city, the people who outlined and set important policies, were women. That was an incredible moment for me. Then, joining choir in the fall provided a more personal (as opposed to professional) realization of a similar nature. The experience of 100+ women in a room, joining their voices into one sound, and creating incredible music gave me this huge sense of energy unlike anything I have ever experienced. It's not like there's any talk about it, but you just feel accepted and supported in being who you are as a part of this group.

So, when a friend of mine was discussing the merits of having a women's group to fill the need that "some women" have for a "sisterhood," it got me thinking. She was questioning whether that was really a good way of accessing feminism, because she felt like she almost needed to be in the presence of men, proving herself, in order to really be progressing women forward. But to me, these are sort of different ideas... the idea of having a place where it is all women and you feel accepted and supported feels like something very different than fighting to be considered an equal with men. To me, the former is more about an affirmation of what you are and being supported in that. Whereas, when surrounded by men, or when in a traditionally male setting, women often feel like they need to prove themselves. But being in a community of women sort of takes away that pressure to be the poster child or the educator. It allows you to just experience the company and support that other women can provide. The baseline is that you're all equals, so you get to experience a feeling of empowerment that comes from within rather than from conquering a stereotype or breaking a glass ceiling.

It's really a unique kind of energy as well. There's something about it that is difficult to explain, but it just feels empowering to be surrounded by other women who have the same focus or goal as you, to know that you can all accomplish something together. It's just different somehow than being on a mixed-sex team.

Anyway, just some thoughts that were on my mind this weekend. How's that for hippie crunchy liberalism? :-)