My "Core."

I did an interview with an undergrad student today to practice my clinical interviewing skills for my assessment class. The point of the interview is to get a complete picture of the person's life -- school, family, friends, life history, etc. In the discussion about friends, the girl kept talking about her "core" group of friends -- 4 girls she is close to and who she hangs out with on a regular basis. It was timely because it is something I've been thinking about a lot lately (and by lately, I mean for about the last two years).

In high school, I would say I had that "core" group of friends. There were definitely certain people I was closer to than others within the group, but we always had this group that would go to parties/movies/dances/etc. together. In college, I had a group like that freshman year and into sophomore year thanks to the draw system. I didn't necessarily hang out with all of my wonderful drawmates all of the time, but they were my closest friends. Junior year, we all went our separate ways a bit and to some extent grew apart. But we also all found other groups that we became close with (e.g. co-staffers, new housemates, etc.). Senior year was kind of a mix for me -- I didn't feel like I needed a core group because I knew so many different people across campus. But there were usually groups within those people (e.g. psych friends, staffer friends, etc.), and my drawmates were always there to come back to (sort of like a secure base, if you'll pardon the nerdiness). I don't know if I realized at the time how much I value having that core group. But I certainly do now.

Since coming to grad school, I have found my world shrunken a bit. Most of my friends come from my department, with the exception of a few friends from high school/college who are in the area (and their respective friends). Those friends are by default, to some extent. It's like the friendships of a freshman dorm, where you all become friends because you live together. It isn't until the year after when you realize who it is that you truly connect with and share interests with. Only here, there isn't that "year after" to meet new people who you really click with. Consequently, I often feel like I don't quite fit into any of the somewhat established groups. I miss having that "core" group. I have a few close friends, but they are not necessarily the people who are friends with each other. And although there are groups that exist, I'm not really a part of them. I get along with most people, and I'm even close with some. But there are no people I can refer to the way my interviewee referred to her friends.

I miss having that "core"... those people to fall back on, the group to gather together to share good news/get moral support/have fun nights out/diffuse stressful times. As much as I appreciate individual friendships, it just isn't the same sometimes. To feel like you belong, like you have a whole gang of people backing you up, holding you up... that feeling is incredible. And I miss that too.